Always
by ToxicRainfall
Summary: As Snape dies, he thinks of the woman he loves, and whom he betrayed to her death. These are his last thoughts and his final memory. Oneshot. Snape X Lily


'**Always'**

**Snape X Lily**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own the Harry Potter series.

**A/N: Snape is one of my most favourite characters in the Harry Potter series, and so in a way it made me happy when he was revealed to have been good the whole time, though of course it was so sad to see that he had harboured his love for Harry's mother, Lily, all that time. This is my version of his death, and the memory that he recalled just as he did so, told from Snape's point of view. Enjoy :) x**

Lying there, feeling the life draining from him, seeming painfully slow despite the quickness of the poison, Snape could not help but think of the task he had failed in doing. Dumbledore had said it was essential, yet he hadn't even had the chance to fulfil it, not at the right time at least. His mind wandered back to that night…

…

The figure in the photograph twirled about in a pristine white dress, pink confetti showering her like a flurry of snow. Her fiery hair was twisted in an ornate knot at the base of her neck, and a single curl escaped it and was bouncing in time with her gleeful dance. Her eyes gleamed feverishly, the colour of sparkling emeralds, and kept glancing lovingly at an unseen figure to the side. Snape narrowed his eyes, knowing that James Potter would have been lurking nearby, having just married the most beautiful, kind and loving woman whom had ever graced the planet. A trace of his old jealousy pulled at Snape's heart bitterly, but he swallowed it, knowing now that any hope he had ever had of winning her heart was lost forever, along with any chance of hearing her lovely, melodic voice again. A lump formed in his throat, and he swallowed it with difficulty, determined not to be overcome with grief.

It had been fifteen years since the love of his life, Lily Evans…no, Lily _Potter, _had been cruelly murdered by the Dark Lord, and it was entirely Snape's fault. He still wished he could go back to the day when he'd overheard Trelawney making the prophecy that doomed Lily and her family, and change his reaction. He willed, beyond anything, that he could have gone straight to Albus Dumbledore without telling the Dark Lord what he had heard, and then maybe, just maybe, Lily might still have survived to this day.

Shaking himself from his reverie, Snape replaced the photo back into the secret box he kept locked in his desk, and sniffed once. There was no use in dwelling on the past, as nothing, not even the most advanced Time Turner, could go back and prevent the death of his love.

He thought, instead, of the son she had left behind; the son she had given her life for. The fact that she had sacrificed herself to save her son meant that Snape held some level of resentment towards the boy, even without his uncanny similarity to his arrogant father. The only thing he was grateful to the boy for was that whenever he felt like his memory of Lily was slipping, he could look into Harry's eyes and see her staring back at him. He sighed, and picked up the note that lay atop his desk; a note that confirmed the time he should arrive that night. Reading it again, Snape decided that it was time to honour Dumbledore's request and so he stood up, making sure he had definitely sealed the drawer that held his secret box, and left the solace of his office.

He glided down corridor after corridor, the mass of his black cloak billowing about him like flapping bat wings, and it wasn't long before he found himself standing in front the stone gargoyle that marked the entrance to the Headmaster's office. He muttered the absurd password, and waited patiently as the gargoyle moved to reveal the spiral staircase that was hidden behind it. He ascended the stairs quickly, and knocked on the Headmaster's door. He heard the frail voice of an old man beckoning him in, and so he swung open the door and entered the circular office. Dumbledore regarded him for a moment, before gesturing that Snape should take a seat. He did so slowly, wondering what was to be asked of him.

Standing up from his seat behind his desk, Dumbledore began pacing the room, something important clearly on his mind.

"Severus…there is something else I must ask of you. I know I have asked much, and I cannot expect that you will do anything more, but this last request…it is essential." Snape glanced at the phoenix that sat, as though realising the importance of the moment, in complete silence on its wooden perch. Almost as though he had forgotten that Snape was in the room, Dumbledore continued, rushing his speech as though he was running on borrowed time, "Harry must not know, not until the last moment, not until it is necessary, otherwise how could he have the strength to do what must be done?" Curious, Snape replied with a question.

"But what must he do?" Dumbledore turned to face him abruptly, and then continued pacing.

"That is between Harry and me. Now, listen closely, Severus. There will come a time - after my death-" Snape opened his mouth as though to protest, "Do not argue, do not interrupt! There will come a time when Lord Voldemort will seem to fear for the life of his snake."

Snape was astonished by this news, but did not see what it had to do with not letting Harry know whatever secret Dumbledore did not want him to know, "For Nagini?"

Dumbledore nodded.

"Precisely. If there comes a time when Lord Voldemort stops sending that snake forth to do his bidding, but keeps it safe beside him, under magical protection, then, I think, it will be safe to tell Harry." Snape grew impatient.

"Tell him what?"

Dumbledore took a deep breath and closed his eyes, and Snape could tell that something of grave significance was about to be revealed.

"Tell him that on the night Lord Voldemort tried to kill him, when Lily-" Snape flinched at the sound of her name, "- cast her own life between them as a shield, the Killing Curse rebounded upon Lord Voldemort, and a fragment of Voldemort's soul was blasted apart from the whole, and latched itself on to the only living soul left in that collapsing building. Part of Lord Voldemort lives inside Harry, and it is that which gives him the power of speech with snakes, and a connection with Lord Voldemort's mind that he has never understood. And while that fragment of soul, unmissed by Voldemort, remains attached to, and protected by Harry, Lord Voldemort cannot die."

Snape considered this calmly. "So the boy…the boy must die?"

"And Voldemort must do it, Severus. That is essential." A mixture of emotions coursed through Snape's being; anger, sadness, betrayal... He spoke in a pained voice.

"I thought…all these years…that we were protecting him for her. For Lily." He took a great effort to speak her name, and even when he did, he choked slightly, feeling the grief stir up inside him once more. Dumbledore's eyes remained shut, as though not wanting to betray any essence of emotion as he spoke again.

"We have protected him because it has been essential to teach him, to raise him, to let him try his strength. Meanwhile, the connection between them grows ever stronger, a parasitic growth: sometimes I have thought he suspects it himself. If I know him, he will have arranged matters so that when he does set out to meet his death, it will, truly, mean the end of Voldemort." As Dumbledore opened his eyes, Snape met them with a look of horror.

"You have kept him alive so that he can die at the right moment?" Dumbledore smiled, but no trace of humour could be read on his lips. His smile was sad, but the look on his face portrayed certainty.

"Don't be shocked, Severus. How many men and women have you watched die?" Snape pictured the faces of all those he had seen lose their lives.

"Lately, only those whom I could not save." He stood up abruptly, the feeling of anger and betrayal intensifying greatly, "You have used me."

Dumbledore tilted his head curiously. "Meaning?"

"I have spied for you, and lied for you, put myself in mortal danger for you. Everything was supposed to be to keep Lily Potter's son safe. Now you tell me you have been raising him like a pig for a slaughter-" The old man raised his hand as though to silence Snape, and spoke seriously.

"But this is touching, Severus. Have you grown to care for the boy, after all?" Snape felt like laughing at the absurdity of the question, and, knowing that Dumbledore would understand what he meant, he readied his wand.

"For _him_?" He rose his voice. "_Expecto patronum!" _A silver doe burst gracefully from the tip of his wand, and he watched as it bounded across the room with a feeling of great sadness. Lily's face entered his mind then, and he smiled fondly as he remembered her kindness and warmth. Tears brimmed in Dumbledore's eyes as he watched the doe fly out of the window and disappear into the distance.

"After all this time?" Considering his answer carefully, Snape thought back to the moment he first saw Lily, and the feelings that had come with that first sighting.

"Always."

…

As the life faded from his paling body, he was unsurprised as Harry Potter appeared above him. Feeling the memories leaking out of him, he realised he had the chance to fulfil his task after all, and sadness set in as he knew the terrible fate the boy faced. Thinking of Lily, his heart felt pained as he saw that her death had been wasted; her son was to die anyway. This time however, he felt no resentment towards Harry, only sorrow. Snape grabbed the boy's robes and pulled him closer, and, seeing the memories leaving his body too quickly, Snape begged.

"Take…it…Take….it…" Seeing the realisation appear on the boy's face, he noticed desperately that he had no way of gathering the fading memories. Relief came when he saw the Granger girl thrust a flask into Harry's hand. Feeling satisfied then that he could die without regret, he loosened his grip on Lily's son. Knowing that life was to depart him in mere seconds, he whispered his final request.

"Look…at…me…." His black eyes bored into Harry's emerald ones, and the boy's face was lost, replaced by the beautiful vision of Lily's. He stared for a moment longer, his heart full of love and wonder. Then he died, thinking of the dancing image of Lily that would remain, never to be discovered, in the empty darkness of his office, knowing now that he would be reunited with her at last, and he could be with the one he loved forever.

And always.


End file.
